What to say…

I am amazed at how much pain people hold in but find a way to release in the form of a blog. Is it easier to say what we think and feel because we do not know for sure who will read it, who will reply, or simply who will care to take the time to care? This is a fabulous tool. What is going to come of the getting and giving of info from people that we probably will never meet in person? How much of the info is worth the time? Quality advice can come from places that are not intentionally sought out. However, poor advice can come just as simply as the good. And then there is the problem of what to do about people who read our words and reply with rude and inconsiderate comments. Do we really write blogs because we are looking for advice or just to know that someone hears our deepest thoughts? You know, the ones that are not even easily whispered into the ear of the one who sleeps next to us every night for ever how long he or she has been sleeping there. The need to be heard appears to be more important than I was told it was in my sit down and shut up reality. We have been taught to hold our real opinions inside. We go so far as to let the person next to us in line at the grocery store stand in line with toilet paper stuck to his or her shoe and not say a word.

Then there are the times when we have too much to say. I can clearly hear my daughter’s desperate decree of “Why do you have to talk to everyone all of the time. Can’t we just stand in line and wait quietly to pay? They (whomever they are) have said that habits skip generations. My maternal grandmother was a talker and my mother is more of a listener. I, of course, tend to be more like my grandmother. I am trying to focus on being a better listener. I did not realize that I had problem listening to others until I took my classes in counseling while studying grief studies. It was a real eye opener. I hope I am doing better now. Why did it take those classes for me to finally understand the importance of listening? I know I was given this advice growing up. I clearly remember a particular day I spent visiting with the above mentioned grandmother. We were watching soap operas and she was talking to me. I was not conscious that I was giving her automatic responses because I was engrossed in the action on the television. She did manage to get my attention when she said to me that one day I will want to remember the things she spoke to me about. She was exactly right. That is the day she was trying to tell me that she was going in for another open heart surgery and she did not think she was going to make it through because she was getting too tired to keep going and fighting her failing body. I am glad she got my attention because she died after that surgery. Even with that in my memory, I am still guilty of taking the company of others for granted.

For some reason, this one sided conversation is easier. If I veer off subject, it is my fault. I can’t blame someone else if the conversation started is finished because the topic triggered a memory or idea from one of the other people in the conversation.

I guess this is one reason why this is so popular. Most of us don’t listen as well as we should. Person to person conversations are a poor means of communication and often lead to miscommunications and more often than not hurt feelings that don’t get addressed like they should because the conversation failed to begin.  It evolves, veers away and often starts all over again once the information is given and received. There are tones of voice and facial expressions and distant looks from distractions. There are just too many factors that lead to miscommunications and lost topics. Writing our thoughts in one stream actually allows us to reveal our complete thoughts. It is good to get the information out without all of the distractions of interpersonal communications.

Just a thoughts of one who is wandering around without roots.