I am learning that Anger is about my expectations from others because of my fears of rejection. It is the same with my need to explain myself and my crazy to tell others I disagree with them.
It became a way that I protected myself from the hurt. It helped me a lot to see it this way. I really needed to face my Anger problems in a real way. One day, I just turned and faced it full on. Wow! It stopped me cold in my tracks too. I was shook to my core. It was uuuugleee!
I fairly recently had several situations at the same time in which I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained. I kept trying to accomplish things and barriers just kept popping up no matter what I tried to do. My kettle was boiling over fast. Several people, most likely dealing with their own stressers, were outright refusing to do what I felt needed to be done. I really felt that I was right too. In my emotional state and my exhaustion, I reacted badly to it. I was so angry. I knew I had to deal with it and soon.
It was so ugly because I managed it see that it is more really about me. I am by nature fight not flight. But, I really do get it now.
I am learning to redirect toward Love too. I am still in a phase in which I have to actually tell myself WAIT. Practice, I hope, will make this come more naturally. Someone else told a story using WAIT on another group that I follow. She said think W.A.I.T. Why Am I Talking? She was talking about listening, but I heard it two ways. I heard it about listening.
But thinking more on it over time, I realized that the same acronym works for Why Am I Triggered? Triggered can be mad, sad, shocked, etc.
I immediately began to use this, and it really helps. Saying WAIT to myself stops me and forces me to think beyond the moment and the emotion. I still feel hurt and upset. Thinking this actually reversed my normal trainwreck of reactions. It was an epiphany to live by.
I am sure that I am not finished with this part of my life journey yet. However, it is a great beginning.
I hope this helps others too.