What You Feel You Can Heal by: John Gray, Ph.D.

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Partial Review.

I am like most people that love strolling through Antiques Markets and Thrift Shops in that I love old stuff.  I love owning and protecting little pieces of the past.  I have done much more of this in the past than I do now.  Having experienced situations in which my collected pieces have become displaced and learning how to let go of things that are out of my control, I do much less of this now.  I still will occasionally find a few things I for some reason feel I must have.  I am an Empath and I now understand that I am connected to the energy left behind by those that loved the items in the past.  Understanding this allows me to acknowledge the love recognized and leave things behind for others to collect and cherish.  I am really starting to understand that we really cannot take stuff with us.  It is healing.  However, I do have one remaining weakness.  I stroll these stores and look at books.  I have found some fabulous books that have not even had the spine cracked on them and I get them at fabulous rates.

On this particular day, I had mosied around a Thrift Shop feeling that there was something specific I was looking for.  I have learned to kind of go with the flow of things.  I know I can miss the signals and get caught up in all the emotions that surround the items found there.  I found some great books.  I found a two volume “comprehensive ready reference” Anesthesia, Edited by Ronald D Miller, MD, Churchill Livingstone Inc. (1981) ISBN: 0-443-08082-8,  with 31 Physicians Contributing to the collection.  Wow, Amazing!  I suffer from chronic pain and I am learning to hone my skills as a Medical Intuitive.  I felt that having this Reference Set would be invaluable.  They are in absolutely impeccable condition too.  I only paid $5.00 for both of them.  They are hardback Medical Reference Material that price used at $213.99 on Amazon (like new condition).  I thought maybe this was what I was looking for.  I carried the heavy set with me throughout the market and what a workout that was.

I also stumbled across a children’s book titled My Little Angel by Harvest House Publishers (2005), ISBN:0-7369-1362-9, with fantabulous paintings by Sandra Kuck paired with beautiful little poems about Angels.  I Believe In Angels so this was a must have especially at $1.00.  I have seven Grandchildren and I try to teach them to believe in Angels too.  It, to me, is teaching them fundamentals of faith and hope.  I thought I was ready to leave.

However, the closer I got to the register I keep hearing “go back” part of my Empath is a psychic voice that I hear that speaks to me.  I have learned to listen to this whisper over the years.  Yes, it sounds creepy, but to me I now welcome it.  I went back through beginning at the front of the store.  I walked all the way through, it was a large market.  I knew I was looking for a book.  I cannot explain how I knew, but I did.  Finally, in the middle of the store on the same shelf that I found the Medical References there was an apron hanging on the nail.  I knew it was a clue.  I was confused because I knew I was looking for a book.  I reached up to remove it from the nail and hidden behind it was exactly what I had been looking for.  I knew it the minute I saw it.  I had no clue what it was but bells were going off letting me know I found it.  I picked it up and began to read it.

What You Feel You Can Heal By: John Gray, Ph.D., Heart Publishing (1984) ISBN 13: 9780931269011.

I am a lifelong student of life.  I have been working a lot on a concept that has become a personal mission of mine of late. It is not complicated it is simply, “Heal Thyself.”  As an Empath, I tend to see and feel things pretty deeply.  I am realizing that I have taken on a lot of thoughts and judgements during my 52 years on this earth.  Many, many good things have been learned and I am Blessed for the lessons of love and acceptance I learned from them.  However, one thing that has seemed to escape is how to love and accept myself.  There is a theme of this in many of my posts from this year.

One such book is What You Feel You Can Heal By: John Gray, Ph.D., Heart Publishing, (1984) ISBN 13: 9780931269011.  The by line said: Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.  I admit I was a bit confused because I have never been interested in his work enough to read it.  But, I followed my instinct and paid the $4.oo for the book.  It was odd that it was the most expensive book I found that day, especially since I had the References too. But, hey, that is still a heck of a good deal for a book in this condition.  I guessed it was a book that I could use to help someone.  Maybe I would find the one that needed it and just give it to them.  Surprise, that user is me! I bet that does not really surprise you does it.

I have been working a lot on a concept that has become a personal mission of mine of late. It is not complicated it is simply, “Heal Thyself.”  As an Empath, I tend to see and feel things pretty deeply.  I am realizing that I have taken on a lot of thoughts and judgements during my 52 years on this earth.  Many, many good things have been learned and I am Blessed for the lessons of love and acceptance I learned from them.  I asked myself what does one who writes about Mars and Venus and Men and Women have to do with heal thyself.  It turns out that one thing I am learning this year is that one thing that has seemed to escape is how to love and accept myself.  There is a theme of this in many of my posts from this year.  Fear I am learning is the main emotion that I have to face to fully understand how to heal once and for all.  The title of this book is: What You Feel You Can Heal.  It is about facing hard issues in relationships and learning how to heal from this journey.  However, the relationships I am looking at is my relationship with others, not just my family.

This book has really helped me a lot.  It is written in such a simple way that I was actually smiling at how simple Dr. Gray made it all seem.  I found myself so excited that I jumped around throughout the book to see pieces of it and even doing this was helping.  I landed on Chapter 4 almost in the middle of the book: The Essential Key: Telling the Complete Truth.  I, still being an ego driven person, did not want to see the truth, but I knew that I had even created an inspiration for others that said that the fear of facing yourself will keep you from moving forward.  It is a blog post titled: Hope Spreads Hope under menu option Wandering Around Without Roots.  I knew that it was another message for me too.  I knew that I had to face the truth about myself if I was going to move forward.  In this chapter, Dr. Gray address Warning Signs – The Four R’s.  They are Resistance, Resentment, Rejection and Repression.

He said that these signs if not notices will lead to an “emotional graveyard.”  Well, if that does not stir your bones, then this is not yet your mission.  He said that “The four R’s not only describe the stages of loss of love in a relationship over a long period of time, but also the mechanics of repressing feelings.”  He also said that if one is enough practice in activating these four stages then she or he can get there in about zero to sixty seconds without even considering it.  He is so right.  He brought it straight home by saying, “Every time you express the complete truth about your feelings and get back to love, you increase your ability to love. “Well, isn’t that what the entire human journey is about?  Don’t we all want to find Love?  Do we really realize that we cannot really love others until we learn to love ourselves first?  He placed a drawing of a stairway with repression at the bottom tier, next with rejection, then resentment, through resistance with the goal at the top Love.  He goes on to explain what happens if we do not tell the truth in these stages.  We get bogged down with other emotions like “guilt, fear, and anger.” He is so right.  If these feelings are allowed to go unchecked for too long they can actually become physical symptoms within our bodies.  We become an “emotional wreck” and end up sitting in our own little “emotional graveyard.”

He even goes on to tell us tips for how to address these stages.  He does suggest therapy if one cannot do this work on their own.  Mainly, he wants us to find a way to talk it out.  To tell our story and our truths about each steps.  Some of us can do this with a journal.  Write down these steps and look at each one truthfully.

Consider the emotions you really feel when you think about them.  Write them down too.  If you later find that you need more help with the assistance of a Counselor then take the journal with you so that they can see the work you have already done.  Be proud of yourself for facing yourself, your fears and your truths.  He recommends not running from your negative feelings and hiding behind a facade of positivity.  Accepting what you are really feeling is his key to finding healing.  Accept that you were taught all your life to hold back your tears and to be strong.  You learned to tell white lies and big dark lies as a means of hiding what you really feel because you were told to not show what you were really feeling; accept that this worked for you up until now, but it is time to put your childhood understandings to rest and move into the future in a real way.

He does not mean for us to barrel at our parents and teachers for misrepresenting reality. He wants us to use “TACT, Telling the Absolute, Complete Truth.” I believe that if we take this journey internally before we introduce it into our personal relationships it will help us be more understanding of others and how we think they failed us.  In reality, we are the ones that accepted the advice and put it to work in our lives.  We were taught conflicting rules of do not tell lies, but hiding the truth can keep other’s from getting hurt.  I am taking responsibility for this.  Yes, I did that.  I taught that to my children.  It was not meant to harm them.  It was simply how I had learned to cope so it became the lesson I taught them.

I know there are others out there that will read this that want real change in their lives.  We want to love and accept ourselves.  I believe this will lead us to love and accept others more freely to.  I am only halfway through this thrift shop find.  I am so glad that I have learned to listen to my soul whispers.  I hope I can pull this off and deal with the darkness inside me once and for all.  I hope you will take this journey with me.  I will post more as I slog through the information in this newly treasured source.  Ironically, I may not be passing on the actual book just yet, but I am sharing it with anyone else that is brave enough to face themselves with me.  You do not have to tell others what you find on this journey unless you want to.  I want to.  Be real with yourself.  If you are the type of person to keep things inside you that is okay.  However, I believe that a conversation will come up in which you will recall this information and you too will end up passing on a message filled with love and hope like I am trying to do.  Hard lessons are just that hard lessons.  Once we master a skill set, it is good to share it with others.  Well, telling them you mastered it might make them think your advice is ego driven.  Maybe it is, only you know the truth in that reality.

Be Blessed Y’all!