A Valentine’s Day Reply

This article was posted on another site Valentine’s Day of 2017 Swati Singh are from different cultures and different ages. We present differing yet similar  perspectives. Thanks for sharing them with us.

I am posting my reply because I really do think cross cultural perspectives on Love, Marriages and Children should be shared. https://swati2610.wordpress.com/2017/02/13/evolving-love-evolving-us/ 

Cross cultural studies are so important. Valentine’s Day is not a day that gets a lot of respect. However, it is a day for us to think about love in a way that we ordinarily do not. Deeper thoughts emerge. There is a lot to consider. I tried not to set the same standards for Love for my children that were set for me. Several of my Sister’s have done the same. We did not expect our daughters to marry because they conceived during moments of passion. We understood that there was more for them to hope for. I am not so certain that it was a good thing. Several of our daughter’s still have not married into their 30’s. I do not want my daughters and granddaughters to lose out the opportunity of sharing a life with a partner. It is a journey that I do not regret even though I have not been very successful in it myself.

It is interesting to see how love is viewed in different cultures. Our expectations of what we think love is changes as we grow in our lives. I agree that many stay in loveless marriages far too long and that this harms children more than the hardships they experience in having parents in two households. However, if we just move from one harmful relationship into another without fully understanding ourselves, we continue to harm future generations. We are not really taught that there is a healing process. We are simply told to get over it and chance it again.

I admit that at 52 I am disenchanted with the idea of love and marriage. I cannot see myself ever doing it again. I am still open to the idea that Love exists, I just see it differently now. I remember thinking that I did not want to have children because I grew up in an age where atomic warfare was real and in a time where it did happen. I grew up thinking that Cuba was going to attack us. I lived in a Military community that held a huge American Military Establishment. Watching tanks and military boats and aircraft around me all the time was real. I was afraid to have children that could be killed by war and hatred. It was a lot for the mind of a little girl to take in. I grew up and realized that it really was, for us, an illusion of war. The base was a training establishment. I was confused by it all.

I did end up having children. I ended up wanting children with all my heart and soul. I did risk love a few times with my ideas of it changing over and over as time passed. I am exiting a 28 year marriage. I feel it coming to an end. I do not know what is out there for me. I am Blessed that I was eventually allowed to find love in my own terms. Even though it did not work out in my favor years later. I do not regret the choice to feel it or to live it freely. I understand the concept of arranged marriages.

However, my first marriage was at 16. I used it as a means of escaping the reality of my childhood oppression. I did end up hurting my first husband. This ending of this marriage feels like a sort of Karma. I accept that.

I hope that whatever you chose with love Swati Singh that you are accepting of the decisions you make and just move through it. Cultures will continue to define how love is seen. However, women now have more options, in America anyway. Many do not exercise their options because of fear of rejection, failure, or just plan a false hope that things will one day resolve or dissolve. We will continue to misunderstand it because of our expectations of what we think it means. There really are not enough words to adequately define love.